The Light Keeper by Cole Morton

Author:Cole Morton
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: SPCK
Published: 2019-07-08T05:21:08+00:00

Twenty-nine

These are the stories Jack does not tell, because he doesn’t know them or he doesn’t want to know. Instead he paces the room in the outhouse of the lighthouse, six or seven steps to the wall, turn and back again, turn and back, a tiger testing the cage, sniffing the wind, working out strategies to escape these close, dark circumstances and pursue his own desires. ‘Tell you about Sarah. What do you want to know? I can smoke here, right?’

Without waiting for yes, Jack produces a battered brass Zippo and flips it in a single movement, letting the little flame burn blue at his thumb while he finds a cigarette with the other hand. The tip glows and after a moment he exhales, clouding his face.

‘I’m the victim in all this. I didn’t do anything wrong. I could walk away, you know? Walk away. Right now. But here I am, up here with you, trying to find her. Why would she run? Tell me. I care. I do. I love her. More than I can say. So strong, it hurts. She’s beautiful. Hair like fire, face like . . . like . . . I don’t know. How do you describe one face to another? Yours is drawn, man; you need some sleep. You been crying? Looks like it. What’s the story? She’s beautiful. Everyone says so. People turn around in the street. Guys. I could kill them. I can’t kill them – I couldn’t kill anyone. I’m not a fighter. I love her. Love. She rescued me. Then she threw knives at me – has she told you that? Big kitchen knives, could have killed me. It’s the drugs, they make her dangerous. To herself, to me, to you. Have you got her? Is she here? I don’t think so, or you would have given the game away, my friend. I can tell. I know people. Where else do I go? What am I supposed to do? I’ve been to the farms, they won’t talk or they don’t know and anyway I don’t believe in that: Sarah hiding in some lousy bed and breakfast with cows and chickens in the yard; too much, what’s the word? Fecundity. This thing you got here, unmissable, sticks out like a cock on the hill. What do you want to know about Sarah? It doesn’t matter. I just need to find her and take her home. Make everything all right. Back to what it was. Before. Just us. She has to love me, just me. Why am I not enough? If I can get over this, why can’t she? I would be happy, just her and me, for ever. No kids. I mean, I want them, but not like she does. It’s . . . patho­logical. Obsessive. Too much, man. Way too much.’

‘How did you meet?’ asks the Keeper, because the only way he can think of to stop him coming back again is to let Jack talk it all out.

‘I was

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